surrender

The Possibilities and Sleepless Nights

You know those sleepless nights you like awake as your mind races through what could be? The endless possibilities your life has in store and the dreams that are waiting to come true?
You lie there as excitement, nervousness,  fear, and doubt do the tango through your thoughts and your mind jumps from one scenario to the next. How? What if? What could be?
Everything is stronger at night, whether it be hope, possibility, doubt, or fear. Your eyes are tired, but your heart is full as you think of the excitement life has brought you. And you have more excitement for what is in store.

I always dreamed of the innovators, geniuses, and world changers over the centuries receiving their brilliant thoughts and projects during their sleepless nights contemplating possibility. Their hair a mess with bedhead, in pajamas, putting their pen to paper, at their most raw and vulnerable point of the day. I guess there is a romance in the silence of night as others dream and knowing you are awake making your dream come true. I always prayed that my life be used in a similar way, however intricate or grand it is supposed to be.
I want to sleep. The waves are soothing as I hear them crash outside of my window. My bed is comfortable, but as the sheets are tangled and my mattress is exposed, it look more like a warzone rather than a peaceful spot to rest. But tonight, thinking of the potential I have and the projects I am working on keeps me laying here with my eyes open. I ask for divine guidance and inspiration to write and work. And, of course, they come in the middle of the night. The clichés and stories have always warned me of that, but I always thought they were exactly that, clichés and stories. Add that to the list of things I always thought, “would never happen to me,” but have and continue to. I decide to surrender to the adrenaline and flow of excitement as the ideas flow through me as effortlessly as water pouring from a faucet. I live for these moments. When these moments happen, I try to be open, willing, and grateful. Because these ideas are more important than the hours of sleep I miss out on. I believe the power of these hours spark revolutions, movements, and world changing transformations.
So, here is to the brave souls, the movers and shakers, the inspiring and hard working entrepreneurs and their sleepless nights. Let the possibility of greatness always keep you going. May your passion and enthusiasm lead your success. And throughout it all, may you fall deeply in love with yourself and believe in the power of your dreams and possibilities. Because there is only one of you, the uniqueness of your dream, and only your once-in-a-lifetime-way of offering it to the world.

 

I sit in the soft sand with the sun beating down on my back. I feel each ray radiate into my skin as I feel it becoming red. The sky is almost cloudless and allows the true blue of the ocean shine to all those who look to her. The waves are powerful, forming perfect tubes as they crash into one another and then onto shore.  My body longs to be among them, to be twisted, turned, and crashed upon. My mind longs to feel the silence beneath the roaring surface.

As I watch the ocean, I realize life is just like the waves, but not in the normal cliché of ups and downs. The ocean is powerful, the ocean is in control, and no matter how hard we try to tame it, to own it, to conquer it, we are shown time and time again we have no control. Just like life. We go through life making plans, goals, dates, and we schedule each moment as if they were ours to own. As if these moments are ours to dictate and as if we decide the outcome of each instance.

As I watch the waves, I see them piling on top of one another as the white foam intermingles with the trash and debris. This debris being reminisces for metaphors of broken dreams, broken plans, and lost hopes.

A month ago, I was so certain of my plans, goals, hopes, and desires and my sight was set on a vision created in my mind. I placed blinders on either side of my eyes to keep myself from getting distracted. My heart was set and my mind was made. And then I met the ocean.

I feel myself among the waves. I am thrown into a current whipping my body back and forth, my hair was being knotted, tangled, pulled, and twisted. My arms are waving in all directions and my head and feet are over top of one another. And here I am in the chaos, in the frantic struggle to find my way to the surface as I am forced into the silence I longed for; without control, without knowing, and in complete surrender of this massive power.

I am still there beneath the waves. My body limp as I have given up the struggle to reach the surface. I am being tossed in every which way, but as I surrender, the ocean brings me up to breathe. As I am brought to the surface,  I replenish myself and my faith. I replenish my faith in the waves, the current, the struggle, and the ocean. And just as I think I am lost in this chaos forever I feel my feet touch the sand and the sand feels soft between my toes. I plant my legs strong beneath me as I stand to see the shore.

I look around me and there is my debris floating in the water; my broken dreams, goals, and old hopes. As I look up to the sky, my eyes begin to focus and I soon realize that this debris around me is of my former self. The controlling me who never gave up and surrendered over to my higher power . My mind is filled with new goals, new dreams, and new hopes. However, they are much lighter, more pure, and less selfish. Through the chaos, I was given my calm. Through this brokenness, I found my purity.

And in this moment, She Began.182